You’ve always been too strong for most I always liked someone who was a bit higher proof Many boys claim that you are their mistress I am well aware that you take pleasure in how you abuse them so dearly I’m far too smart to talk to you before 5pm, But my self control wanes as I wait for then to come earlier every day When that time comes you are there for me to confide in, to guide me, to make me a man. But after all the men I’ve seen you kill, I’m not sure if your auburn skin is as sweet as I once imagined No matter, because like no one else, you never fail to mention how transparent I am around you. Solitude can be a beautiful thing, you whispered at 12:45pm one Thursday. I can’t quite recall my response, but I think I forgot to be sarcastic Maybe you're finally starting to impair my judgement, But your passion mercilessly masks my wounds that time never seems to erase. I’ve seen the people I love come and go It’s been years you still live on my fridge, my bedside table, and in my veins But I’ve never once heard you say “I need you” I wonder if you’ve uttered those three words to Hitchens to Amy Winehouse to my Father Even if you didn’t, you must’ve made them imagine it somehow Eventually I’ll believe your lies too, And when I’m 63 and hooked up to one of those machines in those rooms that reek of saline and despair, I’ll realize I wasn’t as fair to my children as I promised Before they pull the plug I’ll tell my oldest son if I had the chance, I’d do it all over again. To you my dear, I’m privileged to know I learned to enjoy you without the ice.
By Jonny Samuels